today.

SINCE I KNOW YOU'D BE READING THIS....

you deserve champion trophy for taking 40 mins to reach jalan kayu fron yishun.

=D

hahaha. bet you're puffing mad like...

THIS!

ANYWAY, thanks for the bomb and teh tarik.

we'll go out again =)

i overlooked on the part whereby how i made u feel the way i put my msgs across to you.

its something i've lost the ability to do.
and i accept it as my fault.

i've hurt u.

my stand remains.
i suppose you're right, i should just go find somebody else.

what we have here, its something never-to be.

im hurt here myself.
and i feel that i've done much more wrong than u.

all u have is a busy life.




the girl in my mirror.
im trying to help her right now.

yes im being unreasonable right at this moment so what?!

so im sorry for this stupid pissy moment can?
can anot?
this is so not me.

i put in patience and understanding.
when u are busy,
schooling,
working,
sleeping,
out having fun with your friends.

and while all this are happening,
you dont contact me.

YOU FREAKING dont.
u only remember me when u have nothing else to be busy with.

that is what i mean by me not being acknowledged for putting in effort.
yes. you're angry too.
allowed to be sacarstic.

im damned if im going to contact u on my own again.
next time you tell me i dont have to settle for less,
the next time u tell me that again,
i'll just heed your bloody advice.

i just cant be somebody's gf who doesnt talk to her on the phone at all.
who text her every 12 hours, and at the hour she cant reply.

talk about insufficient communication.

speech

Its been quite awhile since I've last blogged,
and thru this AWHILE so many things have actually happened and not happen..

Like how I've finally withdrew from school.
this thing has finally sunk into my head, leavig good friends, nice buddies,
and i guess its time to start everything anew once more.

I've more than half a year before my new school starts, its alot of time..
far too much of time for my own good.

I've also been spending quite an amount of time going out with xuan, steph, shing..
but sadly not adam =/
he's so busy, and im so broke! (blame gss)

anyway.. its not a bad thing afterall..
im still looking for job, the job agency have promised a job like last week.
its like this week already, and i still haven heard from them yet.
LIARS. hehe.

i need to start working out again..
leaving MI also means no more of those neckbreaking-muscle-tearing pe sessions.
*ohmygawdhowimgonna missit* get my enthusiasms?
hahah.

there's like so much so much i wanna do,
but there are always something to stop me,
like finanicial limitation, circumstances that's stopping me from gettin what i really really want.

i guess its a very normal thing to face in life,
but doesnt anyone get fed up of this kinda of limitations?

this are man-made obstacles.
you see.
if one cant give-birth,
its a natural things, a natural disadvantage.
but being held back, like holding back the urge to go sky diving,
due to the financial limitation, is really..

stupid.

I really wouldnt let this sort of matter stop me from getting what i want.

Is this what life is about?
I guess its roughly about there isnt it?

You try to get on with life, or maybe try to live better..
inevitably problems get into your face,
then u go either way, the long or short way.

Long way- u screw it up, get yourself more problems to solve,
if you're smart and strong enought to withstand these shit, u become a hero of your own life,
if not, you're dead.

Short way- u figure out a solution to your initial problem and u slove it.

Through your journey, u receive help (like it or not)
here, u get friends, friends who are willing to help u stand,
or pretend to help u by pushing you harder and make u fall on your face. (u were sitting)

You learn about true friends.
therefore, life goes on, 'cos problems goes on too.

I guess, one doesnt have the choice to give up.
becos if one does, one's dead (literally and physically).

There, I've just figured out life.
that doesnt mean i wont fall again,
becos there's no answer sheet to life.

if.
if its true- its goldpithole.
and its really true. no shit abt it.

atrocious

the amount of trust u have in me is so assuring.
im not the one neglecting the important one.
you are.

are my expectations too high or am i just not up to yours?

stone weight.

i feel squashed,
and trapped.

a load forcing its weight down on me.

I'm brooding.
still.
two more weeks to go on,

the feeling's so..argh.

there's so much i wanna say,
but i cant..yet.
it feels so awful thinking about it.
sigh.
trapped.

here's something for us to reminisce:

ms gabriela- mdm romanian hehe=)


josh- my dearest og buddy! he doesnt look anything like willy wonka know!

popeys trip.

pics

oh my oh my.
sun's waking up, and im still bright bright awake and..

yawning away.

anyway.. the gals -steph,xuan,shing-
came over my place the night before last.
haven gotten the pictures from shing yet.
so cant upload.
i tell you.its like WHOA. fun.
hehe =)
i love the part where steph showed off her indian dance.
hilarious. hehehe

couldnt sleep.
so spent the whole entire night organising the photos in my com..
came up with this..

SO NICE RIGHT!
haha.
i think nice can already.. lol

anyway..
i wanna say something to this person here:



im really sorry about last night.
temper took over me.
i guess i understand what you said to me,
and please please don take what happened to heart ok?
im greatful to have you and your patience.
hope you'll let it go.
im sorry.

thank you for your understanding..
thank you for listening.
thank you for trying so hard.

so stubborn.
im relieved that i tried.

like a shadow,
your love never leaves.

forseen

i've finally come to terms with myself.
and think about all that you have said to me..
think i know what's your concern,
and why you are doing things this way.
but i really dont think its a good idea.
honestly.

i want the best for the two of us.
i really really do.
and i can honestly say that i am not in any manner angry/upset with you.
i don have anything to complain abt too.
all except the fact that you wouldnt let us do it togehter,
thats all.

im putting in for our last mile.
i hope, it doesnt end.

imagine

a promise to me
to make it up to me during the holidays.

how it went.
i don even hear from you.

did i even pop up in yr head today-
i really wonder.

you have no idea how badly it's hurting me.
thinking you're just there, not thinking abt me at all.

i realise u were there,
not picking up,
not replying,
not busy,
not bothering at all.

wait

3rd day after it.
3 whole miserable days for my pumping heart.

doesnt seem like you say.
doesnt feel like u painted.
still waiting.
still hurting.

feels like you're punishing me
for something that i really don know.

only comfort-
it hurts a wee bit lesser than yesterday for tommorow.

i really miss you.
u make me think that there's someone else.

who hears me.
my heart's wailing, screaming away.
inside my head, my visions twirling and twirling.
outside my lids,
its raining cats and dogs.

while you were telling me,
i only saw your face lit up with amazement,
sitting in yr room,
holding yr fone,
with a msg from me,
on the 21st of march evening.

and i thought,
omg.

please dont go.

last word

shut them tightly,
down it came.

head up high,
down it rolled.

palms over it,
how it leaks.

somebody please,
help me with those tears.

suppose

suppose this pain would nv surface again
becos the guardian angel was there.

the guardian angel said " suppose the pain nv surfave again, would you cherish?"
so the guardian angel left.

suppose the pain came back,
it was already too late to salvage.

you learn to cherish, only after its gone.

shitload

got way too drunk last night,
till a point i couldnt stop throwing up.
like omfg.

darn the raw whiskey that i had downed without thinking.

wouldnt call it a mistake, neither am i proud of it,
i am sure guilty, extremely indeed,.
what am i suppose to do i wonder,
and wondering doesnt help at all if you hit a dead end.

i didnt stop it.
i did twice,
but without success.
have i encouraged it? maybe.

i know im wrong.
darn darn wrong.
what is done is done.
face the music i will sooner or later,
i hope to receive forgiveness,
i didnt had the intention for it to happen,
i wish it didnt happen.
wrong time wrong place wrong thing to happen.

circumstances were bad, factors that lead to it,
i know things are not favorable in my stand.

im sorry. i really am.
im working on the courage to fix it right again.
please, forgive me.
please believe me.

traffic junction

it comes to a point you have to stop- like it or not.
you stop to wait,and think,rethink, and decide.
you make good and bad choices.
you're responsible.

life's so difficult.
and easy.
i would do anything to make this route smoother,
i can also leave it as it is,
seems both requires suffering.

why do we choose to fall into, when we know we'll fall out of love?
why do we fight, when we know we're gonna regret?
why do we complain when we know that nothing can be done abt it?

we are so weird.
we hate and love at the same time.
we push in hope to get nearer.

i cry, because it hurts.
pls forgive me.
im a human too.
its difficult being one,
even more to be a good one.

something in me opened up today.

its really alright to fall, and break,
just take some time to stand up again.

i wont use up too much of me once more,
and i wont be pushed down again.

there's so much more out for waiting,
i wont miss the sunrise,
like i once did again.

wired

i feel all wired up.
something's not right.
and the biggest problem?
i have no idea what's wrong..at all.

i can make history

i can be a scientist i think.

my instincts are so accurate, my power's so great,
i cleared away all my music files in my laptop,
i cleared away almost all the photos in my fone,
i found my 30-buck carnival tickets one week after the carnival has ended,
i lost 4 erasers within a month,
i fell down just now.

i believe i can make history soon.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=---=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
anyhoo, i've been spending my time so meaningfully these two days.
half a day was used on lying on my bed yesterday..
then i went out for dinner and movie looking like an auntie in the evening.

i went hme and started watching videos, till 6 am this morning!
hehe.
then i woke up at 2 pm.
play game until 4 pm.
cook noodle and sit down here to show off my achievement!

im so lucky. HOLS' HERRRRRRRE!

silence.

will anyone notice when i shut myself out of the this hot noisy world?

THE night's still, so's my mobile.
suppose to study,
ended up didnt write a word.

im so so bored,
i wanna go out.
but im broke.
still gotta save,
all for the sake of my own enterprise.
lol.

Where you'd go..
i miss you so...

hectic

get out of bed.
go to school.
work like mad.
go home.
sleep.
get out of bed...



i think im going crazy.


i've got inspirations... (=

sunday

i dreamt about you last night, prolly when you're serving some hot lady who looks at you like a little kid staring at a huge lump of chocolate ice cream with some fancy cocktail~ hahah.
im not going to tell you what it is about. (=
just got up, whole body achin. so glad im going to have my day with you today... YEAH!!!
seems like the last we spent a long day together was like.....
when the dodo bird learned how to walk,
imhappy~

take a step back,

and look.

photos

,

pout*pout*pout.

woo~ self-declared holiday today!!

no la...

not that im lazy la. i know what you ppl always think abt me lor..

i was so so so tired last night..

had a vigorous training after school..

ended a lil after seven.

then i went for dinner, and i went straight home.

really really very tired lor. that's why i didnt go school today =)

anyway econ's test postponed...so pictures... OUT!