are my expectations too high or am i just not up to yours?

stone weight.

i feel squashed,
and trapped.

a load forcing its weight down on me.

I'm brooding.
still.
two more weeks to go on,

the feeling's so..argh.

there's so much i wanna say,
but i cant..yet.
it feels so awful thinking about it.
sigh.
trapped.

here's something for us to reminisce:

ms gabriela- mdm romanian hehe=)


josh- my dearest og buddy! he doesnt look anything like willy wonka know!

popeys trip.

pics

oh my oh my.
sun's waking up, and im still bright bright awake and..

yawning away.

anyway.. the gals -steph,xuan,shing-
came over my place the night before last.
haven gotten the pictures from shing yet.
so cant upload.
i tell you.its like WHOA. fun.
hehe =)
i love the part where steph showed off her indian dance.
hilarious. hehehe

couldnt sleep.
so spent the whole entire night organising the photos in my com..
came up with this..

SO NICE RIGHT!
haha.
i think nice can already.. lol

anyway..
i wanna say something to this person here:



im really sorry about last night.
temper took over me.
i guess i understand what you said to me,
and please please don take what happened to heart ok?
im greatful to have you and your patience.
hope you'll let it go.
im sorry.

thank you for your understanding..
thank you for listening.
thank you for trying so hard.

so stubborn.
im relieved that i tried.

like a shadow,
your love never leaves.

forseen

i've finally come to terms with myself.
and think about all that you have said to me..
think i know what's your concern,
and why you are doing things this way.
but i really dont think its a good idea.
honestly.

i want the best for the two of us.
i really really do.
and i can honestly say that i am not in any manner angry/upset with you.
i don have anything to complain abt too.
all except the fact that you wouldnt let us do it togehter,
thats all.

im putting in for our last mile.
i hope, it doesnt end.

imagine

a promise to me
to make it up to me during the holidays.

how it went.
i don even hear from you.

did i even pop up in yr head today-
i really wonder.

you have no idea how badly it's hurting me.
thinking you're just there, not thinking abt me at all.

i realise u were there,
not picking up,
not replying,
not busy,
not bothering at all.

wait

3rd day after it.
3 whole miserable days for my pumping heart.

doesnt seem like you say.
doesnt feel like u painted.
still waiting.
still hurting.

feels like you're punishing me
for something that i really don know.

only comfort-
it hurts a wee bit lesser than yesterday for tommorow.

i really miss you.
u make me think that there's someone else.

who hears me.
my heart's wailing, screaming away.
inside my head, my visions twirling and twirling.
outside my lids,
its raining cats and dogs.

while you were telling me,
i only saw your face lit up with amazement,
sitting in yr room,
holding yr fone,
with a msg from me,
on the 21st of march evening.

and i thought,
omg.

please dont go.

last word

shut them tightly,
down it came.

head up high,
down it rolled.

palms over it,
how it leaks.

somebody please,
help me with those tears.

suppose

suppose this pain would nv surface again
becos the guardian angel was there.

the guardian angel said " suppose the pain nv surfave again, would you cherish?"
so the guardian angel left.

suppose the pain came back,
it was already too late to salvage.

you learn to cherish, only after its gone.

shitload

got way too drunk last night,
till a point i couldnt stop throwing up.
like omfg.

darn the raw whiskey that i had downed without thinking.

wouldnt call it a mistake, neither am i proud of it,
i am sure guilty, extremely indeed,.
what am i suppose to do i wonder,
and wondering doesnt help at all if you hit a dead end.

i didnt stop it.
i did twice,
but without success.
have i encouraged it? maybe.

i know im wrong.
darn darn wrong.
what is done is done.
face the music i will sooner or later,
i hope to receive forgiveness,
i didnt had the intention for it to happen,
i wish it didnt happen.
wrong time wrong place wrong thing to happen.

circumstances were bad, factors that lead to it,
i know things are not favorable in my stand.

im sorry. i really am.
im working on the courage to fix it right again.
please, forgive me.
please believe me.

traffic junction

it comes to a point you have to stop- like it or not.
you stop to wait,and think,rethink, and decide.
you make good and bad choices.
you're responsible.

life's so difficult.
and easy.
i would do anything to make this route smoother,
i can also leave it as it is,
seems both requires suffering.

why do we choose to fall into, when we know we'll fall out of love?
why do we fight, when we know we're gonna regret?
why do we complain when we know that nothing can be done abt it?

we are so weird.
we hate and love at the same time.
we push in hope to get nearer.

i cry, because it hurts.
pls forgive me.
im a human too.
its difficult being one,
even more to be a good one.

something in me opened up today.

its really alright to fall, and break,
just take some time to stand up again.

i wont use up too much of me once more,
and i wont be pushed down again.

there's so much more out for waiting,
i wont miss the sunrise,
like i once did again.

wired

i feel all wired up.
something's not right.
and the biggest problem?
i have no idea what's wrong..at all.