homework.

oh man, i've got like so much essays, and lectures notes to go through...
and im like so.. unwilling.

its sunday tml. SUNDAY!!.. omgomgomg, howhowhow?
im not sure whats wrong with me lately.. feel too lazy..tired..distracted.

butbutbut, i've done my filing, and had completed two essays and my stupid h2 math assignment.. gosh man. school work's killing me.
though deep down in my heart i know this's the committment i have brought upon myself..

OHWELL~

i went PIZZAHUT with attaboy just now! his treat!!! HEEHEEHEE~
we had so much food uh.. like the meat galore (his choice -.-) thick cheesy crust...then MEATBALLS! calamari rings... garlic bread... cream of chicky soup.. minestone soup.. crisscross fries...
WHAT A FEAST! =)
and because we were greedy people, we ordered too much food.. and because of that we had to TABAO... we ate only 2 slices of pizza out of 6, can you believe it?

so..i had to lugged the big bag of food back, then my parents were like "what's that?"
after which they started unwrapping, and gobbling up like small children. one might have thought they dont have money to buy food like that -.-. HAhahah.

attaboy, thank you for the feast =) and for the present you gave me right before you had to leave. =) you really didnt have to get it for me you know?
ps. actually i saw you sneaking it into yr bag. i just didnt want to spoil it *big bright smile*

i gave you my word today, and its a promise that i'll do my best.


..........................................................................................................................................................................
this post is meant for you, fadzli.

the conversation we had yesterday, i have to apologise if i had been too aggressive with my tone.
im glad we had the conversation, and i meant every single word i said to you.be it the good or bad things.
at least, i'd gotten it off my chest, like a huge stone out my head.
in the midst of our conversation, i start to realize that im the one who constantly has to do the explanation, somehow it seems that, im the one who has been doing the wrong things, i have been the one hurting your feelings. you didnt even once consider, or regard me as one who has feelings too, like you. just like when we were together.
you told me you have alot stored in you, all the unhappiness and resentment. so i believe it does mean that you werent happy with me right? so that explains the increasing occasions of fights, the fact that you werent interested in conversations with me, and you werent even interested to kiss me.

poor me and i thought i wasnt nice to kiss, because i kept getting rejected.

ever thought abt a couple of months ago, when i approached you for help, telling you that i had alot of stress and you started going on lecturing me on how i shouldnt rely on you. then you couldnt accept me rebuking you that i just needed to release my stress. you ended up breaking up with me for no good reason. what it means to me?
i begged and cried the whole entire night for you not to leave me, because i had not done you anything wrong. in the end you gave in- maybe to the fact that you just couldnt shake me off. the whole entire week you treated me like shit, refusing to talk to me, not wanting to meet me.
and dont say i didnt show you any concern- you always use that. i kept asking and asking you whats wrong.

you said nothing.

then you went to meet iris, and spend half an afternoon talking to her, and you became okay.
you didnt apologise, not even when i told you that i was seriously shaken by your actions.
you really care? i came to you, like any girlfriend would do, but u not only pushed me away, you destroyed me. she was like a god to me you know? she brought my boyfriend back to life.
you're always the one who has been deprived of this and that, so i am the one with unlimited time and love?

you asked me to be back for christmas, because we believed that christmas is a special day, anniversary to us too, a day for lovebirds to be together. i did whaever i can to get a ticket back home for you. and then when im back you told me you gonna spend yr later part of christmas with yr friends. like you would actually come out early for me when we were staying over at dickson's place on christmas eve?
you asked me to go find darren and shiying to spent christmas evening. and what? feel like a loser, intruding other people's special day? i am not yr daughter you know? for me to go away when you dont have time for me. you accused me of being unreasonable. i ended up crying the whole night. you still insisted on yr stand, my fault, i cause you to LOSE YR MOOD to go meet yr friends, thats why you spend the pathetic day with me.
i swallowed it.

i have been yr girlfriend for 3 whole years. i sit by yr side and abide yr callings. you want me, i''ll be there, you call me, immediately i pick up. until you stop doing that because you assume that i'll always be there to give, even when i dont receive anything from you.

i find it totally absurd that you accuse me of neglecting you for the past 2 weeks of our relationships, after you have neglected me god knows how long. you question me of going out with adam. like you want to do anything with me? arcade,movie,arcade.why would i care after so many unsuccessful attempts to slavage it? why should i care when you dont?

you went out with iris the day after i went overseas, bought her christmas present.you went out with her for lunch, you didnt tell me. you tell me you have friends to think off too, i accept, you talk to girls online. am i blind?
idiot? and what did u say to me when i asked you about it?
YOU SAID "WHAT THE FUCK, I CANT TRUST ANYONE ", like you suddenly forget that you were talking to me, not that it matters to me right, yr privacy yr secret is more important.

and i ever question you before " why is it that you're so willing to get intimate with me yet unwilling to kiss me? "
and yr answer " i dont know. im disgusted with myself too"

like you care abt my feelings?

every single time i ask you out on sunday, you were never free, breakfast with parents, clean yr room, pack yr room,clean yr room, pack yr room. but soccer on sundays you were always availabe.
sometimes you talk to me like im a brainless kid, some freaking bimbo- no sense at all. and when i question you, you get mad. ACTUALLY GET MAD.

i do miss you. alot. and its really okay that you tell me you dont. once again, you fail to remember that i have feelings too.

yesterday is the last day, i will cry for you.
like i told you, i dont give a damn abt what you think of me anymore. you mean much more to me than i mean to you. what your sensless friend tell you, you believe and you can believe them, like they know more than you about me.


i have never regretted being yr girlfriend.
but i regret that i didnt break free earlier.
because you dont appreciate me at all.