missing piece

Hey there.
Its been so long since my last post.
unhappy incidents ocurred, and I cant figure out why.

Irving and Audrey broke up.. I mean its like, maybe due to incompatible characteristics?
But well at least they did spend quite a period of time together, did many things,
Unfortunately it dint turn out well.
Life's always like that.

It wasn't a nice ending.
I mean, u know,
There wasnt a need for that kind of ending you know?
It really came as a shock to me, along with a huge cargo of disappointment.
people come and go, I've seen examples in reality,
but must you really go that far?

And now it actually happen to Stephy and Issac..
at least I'm not THAT surprise.
I'm not trying put it that way in the sense that i wish for it to be this way,
but Steph, what have i been telling you all along?
You know, i don want u to be in the state which you ARE in now.
see what i mean?
i really hope u can get onto yr feet soon enough..

Then, had my prelims a week ago..
Its the stress that'll kill, but since I'm still alive,
I take it as i dint do that badly!!
Haha..

During these couple of weeks, i had several things running through my mind.
Sometimes i just feel that I'm really lousy at socializing..
often enough people misunderstand my intentions, or sometimes i just happen
to, u know. Say things in the heat of anger,
like spitting out the candy from my mouth accidentally.

In any case, its always too late to undo the mistake.
I've really got lots to learn.

Not only that, most of the time i feel that people around me,
they come to me just to make use of me.
Just like this guy- *u**i*.
Since we had some not really friendly past, I'm not surprise that things are like this.
I don deny that part of me still have grudge against you,
Well at least i now its not my fault.

But I've tried to see the better in you, haven't I?
I acknowledge your presence, say Hi whenever I see you in town.
What about you?

You know, I have not done you wrong in anyway.
But why do you always treat me as if I'm transparent?
Sometimes I really wonder if I'm dead - Like a ghost.
That's why you hardly acknowledge my presence,practically look through me, even when you are standing just by my side.
I am not going to tell you that I'll feel hurt.
I know you care only for this good friend of yours, but please,
use a little more common sense.
Either u call me, just to hurry me for the approval of forms,
or just to find him - When he happens to miss your call(s).

Like hello?
I am neither his mum or secretary,
if you cant get him, what makes you think that i CAN?
Since you do not have much liking for me,
It seems that you don't mind abit calling me for other purposes.

I'm sorry u know.
I'm not dumb, I can hardly find anything else to think better of you.

I guess I've really changed alot.
I feel differently about the people around me, even the closest.
And I have no idea why, it feels just really weird.
Sometimes I really wonder if people around me are trustworthy.
If I choose not to believe, I'll end up hurting him/her,
and if I do, I'll end up getting cheated.

Well, most of the time it occurs just like the latter part.

I really want to do well for my O's,and im scared.
Though I cant say that I've been really studios,
I have been doing revisions here n there in a daily basis.
Prelims 2 is just right around the corner,
I guess its time for me to start working at a faster pace.

You people there, I cant call you as friends,
because friends behave in the manner as I simply put as DISGUSTING.
I'd rather isolate myself in a corner, and I see each of you clearly.
All those pretentious acts and smiles.
Do you actually believe that they are what you see?
If you don, you are then just like them -
PRETENTIOUS.

And to you, nothing can take away what we have built together,
I'm not as good as you think, and you are really so much better than you think.
I am really uncertain about what I really want for myself- Our future.
And I am really sorry if I had done anything to upset you,
because I have never wished to hurt you.

There's a really important part of me missing right now.
I don't know what, why, who or how.. It feels just weird.
Very weird.